Friday, July 23, 2004

This Week’s “Joke of the Web” Site

I happened to catch Rep. John Culbertson, (R) Texas, on Lou Dobbs Tonight saying that Arabs are coming over the border, changing their Arab surnames to Hispanic surnames and then “blending in with the illegal alien population”, specifically:

 The issue today is, we are at war with individuals trying to sneak into the country under false identities. And I have new information from federal law enforcement officials in Texas who are very alarmed by a growing trend of Islamic individuals coming into the country, changing their Islamic surnames to Hispanic surnames, blending into the thousands of illegal aliens coming into the country.

What a trick. I suppose that, to Culbertson, those monkeys not only all look alike, they all SOUND ALIKE. Granted, there’s probably some Arabs who also speak Spanish, probably more than a few. Maybe even a few who speak it flawlessly, without an accent. But, um… well, what are the chances that an Arab speaks fluent, accent-less Spanish AND is a member of a terror cell. Oh yeah, plus we have all the cultural considerations.

To me, what the airhead is saying is, “These illegal spicks are too goddamn stupid to tell an Arab in their midst.” Really. Think about this. Culbertson honestly believes that illegal aliens would be oblivious to an Arab posing as a Latino.

Ask any Spanish-speaking Latino, Hispanics know accents. Furthermore, the illegals are a pretty tight community. I’d pretty much bet the kid’s change jar that Culbertson didn’t talk to anybody but other white boys about this whole “thing”.

It could work; they all look alike to me. Culbertson and the rest of those freepers, I mean.

All of em’ looking alike has to be the focus of the rationale because it would have to be impossible pull it off (realistically), at least on a large scale. Al Qaeda (or whomever) would have had to start schooling hundreds of operatives in the Spanish language and Latino culture – and start this evil plot almost two decades ago - with the intention that those operatives would eventually slip over the border to pose as an illegal Mexican laborer.

Wow. If you thought coordinating hijackers to fly airliners into buildings was tactical genius, the whole brown-skinned confusion-thing is a master-stroke.

A few years back, before the war, I can’t really remember thinking, “Are you so stupid that you think the rest of us are going to believe that HORSESHIT?” at least not as much since a little before the war. But now it hits me, well, like today, TWICE A DAY, maybe more on other days. Back in the day, Falwell or some other intellectually impoverished clown would mouth off and pretty much ninety-percent of the population kind of laughed the whole thing off. Tinky-Winky is gay, OK Jerry, thanks for the heads up, I’ll tell my 2-year old and she’ll be as concerned as me.

Reaching for a two-year old’s mentality, I guess. It has a sense of a two-year old’s sense of uninformed plausibility, “Did you do that?” “No, it fell.” “How did it fall?” “I dunno, Tinky-Winky pushed it!” “Where are the WMD’s?” “I dunno, somebody said they were there and maybe were thinking about WMD-like programs.”

Twice today, I said, and although Annie Jacobsen didn’t flip out over Arabs on an airplane today, it was today that I heard about this:

The passenger, later identified as Annie Jacobsen, was in danger of panicking other passengers and creating a larger problem on the plane, according to a source close to the secretive federal protective service.

Jacobsen, a self-described freelance writer, has published two stories about her experience at, a business advice web site designed for women.

“The lady was overreacting,” said the source. “A flight attendant was told to tell the passenger to calm down; that there were air marshals on the plane.”

The middle eastern men were identified by federal agents as a group of touring musicians travelling to a concert date at a casino, said Air Marshals spokesman Dave Adams.
I read the article (heh) and you’ll notice I didn’t link the site. There’s the URL if you want to go there and read her harrowing account (brrrrrrrrr) but trust me – I’m positive you’re not as stupid as her – you’ll find several pages of hysterical uninformed plausibility. Oh yeah, Tinky-Winky was on the plane, too, off to Massachusetts to marry his long-time partner, Top Cat.

Overwhelmed by my own pre-adolescent mentality, I was moved to write the following email to the editors of womenswallsteet:

RE: Terror in the Skies, Again?

I'm amazed your site continues to run this bilge water (equally amazed that you'd consider Ann Coulter a legitimate citation). It's all over the web how this cunt over-reacted. I'd think you'd have a vested interest in creating an aura of credibility for yourselves but maybe readers gullible enough to buy Jacobsen's histrionics are exactly the kind of rubes you need to sign up for your half-assed service.

Congratulations on becoming this week's "Joke of the Web" site!
So I throw a firecracker, they throw a turd; same behavior but I’m smarter. Obviously the Air Marshals were too smart to be anything but pissed at Insane Annie. Maybe I was too harsh on womenswallstreet, they’re acting out of enlightened altruism and running Annie’s crack-up only to prevent her from falling further over the edge. Yeah, and there are Arab implants “blending into the thousands of illegal aliens coming into the country,” and fooling all of em'. Nope, the only ones that are getting fooled are stupid white boys and crazy white women on airplanes... uh, yeah.


OK, you gotta check this out:

During a prime time press conference on April 13, President Bush was asked to name a mistake that he has made since taking office and what he has learned from it. Bush, who was unable to answer the question, admitted "maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with [a mistake]." But weeks later, Bush still hasn't answered the question. In the interest of assisting the President with this surprisingly difficult task we've compiled this list of 100 mistakes he has made since taking office.
 from At least a two-year old can admit she's wrong.

 Also, you can save youself $10 and get the 9/11 report from Patridiots (tell em' sorry for stealing bandwidth) but you'll spend more than that if you print it out.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

CNN Calls the Kettle Black

What caught my eye was a story on CNN, seemed like it was saying that some Kerry fund-raiser was using whores to collect money... at least that's the way they positioned it with the teaser and then qualified it WEAKLY with this headline:

Real estate developer and political fund-raiser Charles Kushner of Livingston, New Jersey, was charged by federal prosecutors Tuesday with conspiracy, obstruction of justice and interstate promotion of prostitution.

Actually, it turns out that this guy raised funds for Kerry (among others) and then got popped on this totally unrelated charge. Let the witchhunt begin...

Why Say It?

I saw Rice saying, with all the conviction she's shown with talking about WMD's, that no, there's no way the elections will be delayed due to terrorists or Michael Moore or whatever, we've had elections during wartime.

Uh huh. So why say it?

Because Karl Rove is trying to insinuate to Democrats, "Remember what we did with the last election? Don't think we can't pull a bigger and BADDER stunt this time around. Hell, we might just cancel the whole goddamn thing and call this country OURS! If you thought State Troopers keeping a few Darkies in Florida from the polls was slick, just wait until you see us draggin' off folks to one of Rumsfeld's secret prisons just for TRYING to vote for Kerry!"

You might as well pay See the Forest right now if you took his bet:

I'm willing to bet $50 at 30-to-one that we'll see problems in the 2004 Presidential election as bad or worse than those in the 2000 election. Your $1500 says everything will be OK, my $50 says that there will be major problems -- as bad as or worse than 2000. (via Atrios)

We're still two weeks away from the Democratic National Convention and the Ministry of Discombobulation is already working with the Ministry of Homeland Security to game the vote. Except they're more transparent this time - hell, they just don't give a shit, anymore, they'll do ANYTHING!

Like last week, when Kerry announced Edwards. Next day Ridge announced "new intelligence" that al Qaeda has "Big plans" (or something) for the election. And then says we won't elevate the terror level from Yellow (Vague and Persistent Feelings of Anxiety) to Orange (4,000 Air Traffic Security Workers Laid Off), just prances off like Aunt Jess, "Well, a little bird told me..."

And so I ask again... why say it?

This isn't sneaky, it's peurile, "Ha Ha, made ya' look!" kinda' crap. Don't wonder where your job went, wonder what you think about Gay Marriage and for God's sake don't worry about what we said regarding anthrax oatmeal Usama Scott Peterson smallpox dirty bombs and war good in Iraq or we wouldn't be telling you about warheads WMDs X-Files blackbox towel-heads out to gitcha' playground suicide bomber automatic rifle... it's like sneaking out of the NAACP gig in black face, just plain adolescent.

We've got changing the constitution to ban Gay marriages and then rescinding the assault weapons ban coming up in congress immediately, plenty enough distractions to make the "Made Ya' Look" game interesting. In the interim, I assume more "new intelligence" will come to light, another blackout in Athens, lights flashing... are you ready?

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Wrapping Up This Summer

Some new readers contacted me this week, a welcome is in order for them. Danielle, with the intoxicating smile, hellooooo. Tandy (of the extremely intriguing emails), I'm going to address one of the issues you raised in an early email, so just wait. Travis, the local anarchist agitator, we're going to hit on your stuff immediately. But first I want to deal with some feedback from an old acquaintance, Scott.

Scott tells me that he and his wife are planning to drive to New York City at the end of the summer to protest the the Rethug convention Aug. 30 to Sept. 2 and he invites all of us to make that road trip with him.

I think that would be cool (although I wouldn't be taking my kids for THAT). For THAT I'd put on my blackbloc uniform and take a shot of tear gas. Hmmmm, maybe it's better that I do stay close to home. At least for now. I predict that Kerry/Edwards are going to blow Bush/Cheney out of the water, anyway. No need for my head getting smashed into Big Apple concrete when my money's on the winning horse (that was not a slam at Kerry's looks, I assure you).

Anyway, Scott, thanks for the invitation and I call on everyone who can to go to NYC and show Bu$hCo that we mean to kick his sorry ass to the curb.

In return, Scott & family, I invite you to the Anarchist Social Retreat 2004 August 19 - 22 in Del Norte, Colorado for what Travis describes as, "...a 3 day weekend of networking, relaxing and fun - all FREE!" It's also a kid-friendly event and I intend to take my brood. If you're interested in going, helping out, whatever, you can email Travis for more information or get involved on the discussion boards at or at where folks are getting all the details together.

Hang out in the San Juans at the end of August with some anarchists... what else could you ask of summer?

Now to address something Tandy said about blogs being an exercise in self-revelation. I have to admit that I've been entertaining the idea of making this thing a bit more personal, a little less political. I asked you all for input in my entry So This Is What You Get but nobody weighed in with any advice; not a soul. Now I know a few people are reading this even if they're not commenting. So I think I'm going to get experimental on your ass, see where that goes. I haven't been blogging much of late mostly because I've been working on my writing. That's what I'd like to share here, keep my damned opinions to myself.

We'll give it a month, k?

Monday, July 05, 2004

Bring Out the Spooks

Gawd... I mean God but it rankles me when the Presidential campaign gets to be about this: "Family values". That Gawd-Thing that leads candidates to thump their chests self-righteously, jest like me de-voot Katlick mudda at Mass, and makes me wonder, as it did when I watched me mudda do it then... "Why?"

Kerry, at some 4th picnic in Iowa, defending his stand and beliefs,
"I oppose abortion, personally," (Kerry) told the newspaper. "I don't like abortion. I believe life does begin at conception. But I can't take my Catholic belief, my article of faith, and legislate it on a Protestant or a Jew or an atheist ...who doesn't share it. We have separation of church and state in the United States of America."

made me pause (briefly) and remember why I supported Dean at first - I knew Dean wouldn't have been stupid enough to say "I believe life does begin at conception." I mean, Gore lost my vote to Nader in 2000 because (among many other things) I couldn't forgive Tipper and the whole PMRC fiasco, smacking as it did of walking into the Moral Majority's playpen. But I see what Kerry was trying to do and I am so ABB at this point, I put my dudgeon aside.

Exceptionally more vile was the Rethug response:
The Bush campaign reacted strongly to Mr. Kerry's statement of personal opposition to abortion. "John Kerry's efforts to mislead voters in the heartland are offensive," said Kevin Madden, a Bush campaign spokesman. "His rhetoric is at odds with a long record of opposing common-sense measures like the ban on partial-birth abortion."

probably effective for the few million or so shitwits who'll shell out cuz' Falwell said so but screw them - their minds are made up (and they're welcome to them hush puppies). Funny how Mr. Madden didn't finish up with just how far Whistle-Ass goes with his commitment to anti-choice and include stem-cell research but, uh, that's a little contentious in the Senate right now, so...

Put the Gawd thing aside for a moment and put your money on which candidate would outscore the other on a 10th-grade Science exam. Uh huh; see? Christ, conservatives claim to know the value of a Dollar... add in charisma (a quality Gore sorely lacked until he grew a sack this year) and you get an idea of how the debates are gonna' go. It's pretty clear where the smart money is.

Besides, the lugnuts are popping off of this administration like Limbaugh's shirt buttons, so George is gonna' be rattled. In fact,
I see a relapse coming, a huge sack of blow and lots of Jack Daniels.

Coked to the gills and drunker n' Aunt Ginny at Bingo, George'll appeal to gawdamighty several times in the debates (I'll take book on THAT FACT as well, the gawdamighty thing, at least), prattle a bit about economy and taxes; Prolly drag out Reagan's corpse and jangle it around like some fetish; and then he'll go to the last resort of any geekin', stinkin' scoundrel.

Well, I say bring on the war records and hours spent wrapped in the flag. Hell, bring out the skeletons, the spooks, and the cooked books. Bring em' on (yeah, people tend to get hurt REAL BAD whenever that's said, see?), Skippy, the only way Kerry can fuck this up is if he makes it look like he's bullying a retard.

When you, on principle, value a zygote over a soldier, what do you think you're going to look like? You're gonna' appeal to your creator for some intervention, light a candle for the dead, jabber mindlessly like an Alabama Baptist. You're gonna' have to do some toot and a couple a' shots before you heading out to the lions. You're going to get your ass kicked, George, you might as well break out the Brillo and spark up the Bic NOW.

If Kerry's gotta' wear his religion on his sleeve, at least you know you that sleeve won't be around your neck dragging you to the river. Kerry's got his "family values" and you know he isn't going to tell you to Go Fuck Yourself when you ask him what those values are. At this point, Kerry doesn't need God's help, the Bush camp does, and I don't think God's up to the challenge. If God indeed looks out for idiots, drunks, and little children, then God has got himself a hat trick.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Happy Birthday, Usa: An Appeal

Today is my friend Usa's birthday and I thought I'd take some time to wish her well. Usa's had a REALLY fucked up year, folks, and she's trying to get back on her feet.

The people Usa worked for were actually pretty cool (by and large); they invented jazz and rock n’ roll and some incredible food (they actually came up with a boatload of cool shit) and although they were always bickering in the company, people seemed to work around it pretty well. Hell, it was a company that was founded on conflict and even though it seemed that it sometimes strived on strife, when everyone put aside their differences, they could pull together and get some incredible shit accomplished.

Christ, I used to work there (until I was let go earlier this year) and I can tell you, it was great. I hated losing my job but I can tell you Usa took it really hard; she was heartbroken. Outsourced, both of us, South American slave labor getting it done. What a load.

Problem is, new management kind of snuck in the backdoor a few years back and started screwing shit up bad. Really bad. And I say “snuck in” because usually people who worked there pretty much decided who would manage. But these bozos just kind of marched in, took over, lied and cajoled and cheated their way into management so they could run things the way THEY wanted.

What was totally fucked up is that nobody really said anything. It was kind of like, “Well these seem like nice guys, we cant get reamed too bad, etc., etc.” Heh.

Next thing you know, 3 million people lose their jobs while the top tier gets a hefty raise (and obscenely good scratch it was). I mean, most of these folks weren’t making the greatest wages but hell, at least they had jobs, they could get by. The slimebags who took over told everyone that by boosting wages for the uppity-ups, the uppity-ups would invest more into the company.

Uh huh. Most of em’ are drunks and perverts and have habits to feed. All they care about is being uppity-ups, fuck the little guy. But that’s not all. The company was in the black just a few years back and the boobs have run it so far into the red, you’d think they were commies. No shit, just like the old U.S.S.R., saying all kinds of phony crap, wacky statements that totally contradict reality, trying to make everything rosy. Yeah, it’s rosy alright - awash in red ink, ya’ turds. Just making shit up as they go along, playing “Lookee’ there” while they lift your wallet.

So you’re thinking, “Yeah, Usa’s hurtin’, we should do something,” and I’m thinkin’ yeah, you haven’t heard the whole story, yet. Stay with me because what I got to tell you about these clowns is simplyfuckingamazing, it’s that insane. Let me finish and then you decide how bad Usa really needs our help.

Usa’s pretty religious, for the most part, but she’s fallen in for some pretty wacky ass crap. I guess a lot of people turn to spirituality when shit’s weird but Usa… well, let me tell you what else went down at the company and you’ll see…

This new management, I mean they’re not even supposed to be there but there they are, and they totally bullshit everybody working there about this other company. You probably heard about those jackoffs hijacking planes and flying them into company buildings (killing over 3,000 people!)? Well, management blamed some company that had nothing to do with it - and then decided they’d go and do a hostile takeover. But not just buy it out, oh no, no, these crazy fucks decided that people had to die – in both companies!

DIE!!! And for a goddamn LIE!!! What the fuck is THAT?!?

Usa was kind of torn up over that, even though she had been pretty gung-ho about it at first (what with believing the lie and all). Other people in the company were against it from the git-go… and you heard a lot of, “Well, they’re not ‘company men’, they don’t support the company,” horseshit, mostly from management but also the people who were with them.

Hey, fuck that. The people I knew who spoke out against it LOVE the company, looked at the direction the company was going (and how badly things were going), saw through the lie, and asked… “Are you out of your fucking minds?!? Because no one’s taking care of business and important SHIT NEED TO BE DONE. Management wants to piss away MORE money on something that has no justification and… HELLO?!?” Maybe I’m goofy but that sounds like people who have the best interests of the company in mind.

Anyway, as you know, Usa’s always been kinda’ religious, not in-your-face annoying but pretty devout. Well, when new management came in it was with this attitude of, like, “Don’t worry that rules almost as old as the company were broken to get us in here: GOD says we’re supposed to be here!” I guess because they know most of the people there are religious, after a fashion. Blowing smoke up keesters, real televangelist kind of shit, all about the damn money and nothing else.

Pathetic thing is, a lot of people still believe all of it, every lie. Well, maybe not EVERY lie but still willing to… I dunno… I can’t conceive of how anyone with a couple of functioning neurons would still want those worthless twits still running things.

Anyway, things got so bad at the company that the cops were sniffing around about some serious shit, I mean some REAL SERIOUS shit. Embezzlement and giving away company secrets and influence peddling and other stuff, felony don’t-drop-the-soap shit, not just lying about blow jobs in the office kind of kindergarten crap but bus you up the river hard-core stuff. Like Enron - or like Enron should have been.

So you gotta’ figure that, after all this, Usa would lose it a little to God. Except, now, all these charlatans and false prophets are vying for Usa’s allegiance, trying to prevent her from having an abortion (I won’t go into THAT), telling her she can’t marry a gay partner if she wants to, telling her that she’s the “steward” of the earth and she can do whatever she wants with it… real loony, flat-earth shit. Fortunately, with the way things are going, I don’t know if Usa’s totally buying it.

In the meantime, a lot of Usa’s friends have turned their back on her. She bought into the new management’s bullshit and they’re saying, “We thought you were better than that.” Kinda’ crappy, considering all the good things that Usa has done (she’s bailed out a few friends) but they’ll come around eventually.

Will she get her job back? I don’t know. I do know that if management stays the way it is in the company, there ain’t much hope for her. Management’s already shown that they don’t care what the company does and how it does it, so why would you put your faith in them? Because God is on their side? Uh, well, every religion I’ve ever studied says God likes winners and NOTHING on this management team’s balance sheet shows that they’ve a single goddamn thing.

I think that most of you know Usa and love her like I do. I also think that most of you agree that Usa has had a horrendous year, one of her worst. I believe all of you wish her a much more prosperous, healthy, and sane year ahead.

Swell. You can think all that but you gotta’ DO SOMETHING. Help Usa get her job AND sanity back. If you’re still working at the company, make sure those meatheads in management get shitcanned. Do everything you can to get em’ out of there and I mean EVERYTHING. If the company is going to go back to the way it was and the principles it was founded on – progressive, innovative, egalitarian – and in order for it to continue to prosper, evolve, and provide promise… well, EVERYTHING you can do benefits us all, Usa included.

And if you’re not still with the company… well, I hope you’re OK with that Top Ramen diet.