Saturday, November 06, 2004

Shot By Both Sides

"New offences always in my nerves
they're taking my time by force
They all sound the same when they scream
they have to rewrite all the books again
as a matter of course..."

- Magazine, "Shot By Both Sides"

Ever had one of those hangovers where you were sick for days? Everything's fuzzy and all you can stomach is powdered donuts and beer?

That was my reaction to the election. I still can't watch the news, it makes my stomach churn (despite knowing the old "hair of the dog" dictum) and I refuse to turn it on. Any of it.

I don't know how successful it would be for us on the left side of the blogosphere to conduct a boycott of the nooze channels but that's what I'm doing. I'm done caring about what Wolf or Tweety or Skelator has to say anymore, I'm done tolerating the cognitive dissonance of knowing that what I'm seeing doesn't fit the facts - yet still watching it. My blood pressure gets elevated enough with BushCo stunts, I don't need to push it further with the perfidy of overpaid nitwits.

Not only did I not want to know about King Codpiece strutting and hooting about his mandate for the 19th century, I didn't want to witness the inevitable hand-wringing and finger-pointing by the Dems. Screw the Democrats, they're pussies. Terry McAuliffe should have been fired when Gore had the election stolen from him. I don't think he's dupilicitous enough to have screwed Kerry's pooch for the sake of Hillary in 2008 (that's Rush Limbaugh tinfoil hat territory), I just think he's an inept pantywaist. The fact that Dems didn't kick Terry McAuliffe and the DLC to the street after the Gore v. Bush fiasco just goes to show how spineless the Democratic Party can be.

Spineless and stupid. Once again the Republicans throw out a chew toy for the puppy media to pounce on and the Democrats fight with the dogs over the damn thing. "Values" this time and the damn Democrats fell for it, grabbed it, tossed it around in the air and tried to figure out how to touch it without getting puppy slobber all over themselves. It happened all spring and summer, the Republicans would toss the media a worthless tidbit and then the Dems would have to backtrack to answer for trivialities.

Instead of answering the Swift Boat Vets For Truth with, "Fuck those guys, they're morons. And liars. And Republican hacks," the Dems minced around with the chew toy between their fingers, "Ewwww!" The five-second clip of John McCain denouncing the ads didn't amount to much compared to the amount of play the media gave the ads, yet all the Dems could muster was, "Ewwww, that's not very nice. Somebody should denounce these ads! Ewwww!"

Values? Why didn't the Dems ask that, "Values?!? You want to discuss VALUES?!?!" and then bring OBL back up or the 9/11 Commission or "catastrophic success" or... PICK ONE THING Democrats and BE LOUD ABOUT IT, just like the Republicans do. It's that easy, pick one thing and be loud about it.

"Values, Democrats?"
"Don't talk to us about VALUES, Wolf, you bloated hack, ask the President about Iraq!"
"But voters are upset with this gay marriage thing..."
"Tell me about Iraq and what values went into getting us into that!"
"Iraq, Wolf, IRAQ, IRAQ, IRAQ!!!"
"IRAQ you pinhead. Where's the WMD? What coalition? 100,000 dead, what's that? IRAQ, you moron, IRAQ, IRAQ, IRAQ!!!"

If the Dems are going to play the game with the media and their Republican handlers, they need to know how to play the game or at least understand that they're playing a game. Then they need to take a page out of Bill O'Reilly's playbook (but leave out the falafell part), "Shut up! I'll tell you about values!" Not only that, they need to go on the offensive, pony up the buck-fifty for a chew toy of their own and toss that to the media.

For me, I'm leaving the media alone, they can lick their own balls. I'm done with newtork and cable nooze.

As far as the Democrats vs. Republicans, I'm stuck between no spine and no brain. It's easy enough to steal a chew toy from a puppy but what the Dems need is the courage to steal the chew toy from the Republicans. It shouldn't be that difficult. They have no brain. It's them having no heart that makes them rutheless.


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